Kiss & cuddle
A kiss and a cuddle are asked for, never taken
Physically, these two tricks ask almost nothing of your dog: a small touch of the muzzle, a brief press of the front paws. The real learning happens elsewhere, in the emotions. Plenty of dogs are uneasy when a face comes quickly towards theirs, or when they are held tight in someone's arms. By teaching your dog to come when invited, you turn two gestures that often cause trouble when they run wild (endless licking, jumping up at people) into two calm, predictable ones. If your dog already jumps up at everyone or licks at will, this trick gives them exactly the landmarks they were missing: a precise moment, on request, rather than any time at all.
Your dog is ready
- They stay relaxed when a face comes close to theirs.
- They happily seek out contact, all on their own.
- They already enjoy close stroking without freezing up.
Better to wait a little
- They turn their head away, stiffen or back off when you lean towards them: work on the relationship first, the signals are set out just below.
- They are a puppy who still nips: the cheek can wait for a calm, reliable muzzle touch.
- The fear of contact looks well established: see a trainer or a behaviourist before these tricks, this is not something to improvise on your own.
Reading their body language before you start
The "yes!" is a marker: one short word, always the same, that you say at the very instant your dog does the right thing, followed straight away by a reward. It tells them "that's exactly it". Everything will go faster if they already know this marker from another piece of training: the guide on positive methods explains how to set it up. As for pace, very short sessions are far better than one long one: five to ten repetitions at a time, two or three little sessions across the day. Most dogs have the kiss after a few sessions spread over several days; the cuddle usually takes a bit longer.
Teaching the kiss
It all starts with a tiny smear of paste, on your finger first, before it moves to your cheek or your hand.
The smear on your finger
Put a tiny dab of paste (a little cream cheese, dog pâté or xylitol-free peanut butter) on the tip of your index finger. Crouch down or sit facing your dog, at their level, and offer your finger a few centimetres from their nose. They come closer to lick the smear: mark with a "yes!" at the exact instant their tongue or nose touches your finger, then reward straight away with your other hand.
The smear on your cheek or your hand
With your fingertip, spread the same tiny dab of paste on your cheekbone, or on the back of your hand if you would rather teach the kiss on the hand (the safer choice when a young child lives in the house, more on that below). Offer your cheek or hand at their level, never moving your face towards them: they are the one who comes. They touch or lick the smear with their muzzle: mark with a "yes!" the moment they make contact, then reward.
Fading the paste, keeping the contact
Cut down the amount of paste with every new session, down to a minuscule trace and then nothing at all. They keep coming to touch or lick out of habit: always mark with a "yes!", always reward. If they stop coming as soon as there is no more paste, go back to a tiny smear for a few more sessions.
The word before the gesture
Once the contact flows with no paste at all, say "kiss" just before you offer your cheek or hand, then mark with a "yes!" the moment they make contact and reward. The word always announces the gesture, never the other way round.
Teaching the cuddle: paws on your chest
The cuddle has a clear start and a clear finish: reward both.
The invitation, paws resting
Standing facing them, steady on your feet, pat your chest with both hands to invite them. As soon as they rise up and rest their front paws calmly on your chest, mark with a "yes!" and reward at once, at chest height, right where their paws are touching. If they jump up with too much momentum, only mark the times when the contact is calm, patting more lightly at first if need be. If they don't rise up, crouch down a little to reduce the height, or pat lower, at the height of their front paws.
The way down, just as important
Straighten up or take half a step back: they put all four paws back on the floor. Mark with a "yes!" the exact instant all four paws touch the floor, and give the reward on the floor, so they also learn to come back down of their own accord, not just to go up.
The word before the gesture
Once the gesture flows on a simple pat, say "cuddle" just before you pat, then fade the pat little by little until the word alone is enough. The "yes!" marker still punctuates the exact instant of contact; the word "cuddle" announces the action, it does not describe it afterwards.
There is a gentler version of the cuddle, with no jumping and no weight on the back legs: the head resting against your leg. Sit down or drop one knee to the floor, pat your thigh gently, low down, and invite them over. As soon as they rest their chin or the side of their head against your leg, mark with a "yes!" and reward right there, against your leg. Add the word "cuddle" once they come and rest their head all by themselves. This is the version to favour for a growing puppy or a dog with sensitive joints.
Adapting it to your dog
A small dog
- For the kiss, crouch down or drop one knee to the floor to offer your cheek at their level, without leaning over them.
- For the cuddle, drop one knee to the floor to offer your chest at their level, rather than making them jump up high.
- It is the calm resting of the paws you reward, never the jump.
A big, sturdy dog
- The weight of those front paws really can knock you off balance: only invite them once you are properly steady, feet slightly apart.
- You stroke, you talk, but you never wrap your arms round them.
A puppy who still nips
- Wait until the muzzle contact is calm, with no nipping, before you offer your cheek.
- The kiss will come on its own once teething is behind them.
A growing puppy, a senior or a dog with sensitive joints
- Stick to the head-against-your-leg version: no jumping, no weight on the chest and back legs.
- If you are set on the paws-on-chest version with a solid adult dog: rare repetitions, a gentle way down, non-slip flooring.
- At the first sign of discomfort, stop and go back to the kiss, with no weight involved.
- Healthy Pets, Healthy People, CDC
- Reisner et al. — Behavioral characteristics associated with dog bites to children (2011)
Going further
Frequently asked questions
How do you teach a dog to give a kiss?
In four stages: a tiny smear of paste on your fingertip, then on your cheek or hand, then less and less paste until there is none at all, and finally the word "kiss" said just before they come close. At every contact, mark with a "yes!" and reward. The golden rule: they are always the one who crosses those last few centimetres, never your face moving towards them.
How do you teach a dog to cuddle?
Standing, nice and steady, pat your chest with both hands to invite them. As soon as they rest their front paws calmly, mark with a "yes!" and reward. Mark the way down too: as soon as all four paws are back on the floor, they get their reward right there, on the floor. There is also a gentler version, the head resting against your leg, with no jumping and no weight. You stroke, you talk, but you never squeeze them in your arms.
From what age can you teach a dog to kiss and cuddle?
The kiss, as soon as your puppy touches calmly with their muzzle, with no nipping, often once teething is behind them. For the cuddle, tell the two versions apart: the head resting against your leg is fine from very young, with no risk. The paws-on-chest version waits until growth is finished, because the weight puts demands on joints that are still forming: reckon on around a year, earlier for a small breed, later (sometimes around 18 months) for a big one, to be confirmed with your vet.
My dog refuses to kiss or cuddle, what should I do?
Nothing beyond respecting it: a refusal is never corrected and never asked for again there and then. You move on to something else, and you can try again another time, on an easier step. A dog who is allowed to say no is precisely the one who ends up offering the gesture wholeheartedly.
Will teaching the cuddle teach my dog to jump up at people?
It is the opposite, on one condition: only reward the cuddle when you have invited it. Paws placed on you without you asking, calmly ignore them by turning away. Framed like this, the trick makes the gesture predictable, it does not build a dog who jumps up at everyone.
Is it dangerous to let your dog kiss your face?
The kiss as it is taught here, a brief touch of the nose or tongue, poses no particular problem day to day. Two firm limits: never play this game with a dog you don't know, and with a child, the face always stays under adult supervision, the child never moves in on a dog's muzzle by themselves. If a young child or a vulnerable person lives in the house, the version on the hand is the safer bet compared with the face.
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