“I can't keep my dog any more”: breathe first
You won't make a better call about your dog's future at 3am, drained and at the end of your rope: it's the exhaustion warping your judgement, not your attachment to him. Temporary care can be enough to get you through a rough patch. And if you really do have to part with him, that gets organised calmly, never by abandoning the dog.
Caregiver exhaustion
What you're going through has a name in psychology: caregiver burden. A Kent State University study (2017) measured this in the owners of seriously ill dogs and cats. Comparable stress has also been observed in the owners of dogs with behaviour problems. Lack of sleep, being permanently on alert, the load of caring alone for a being who depends on you 24 hours a day: all of it wears you down and clouds your judgement. Rest, hand over care even for a single night, ask the people around you for help: an owner who sleeps makes better decisions, for himself and for his dog.
Untangling what hides behind “I can't cope any more”
“I can't cope any more” is a catch-all. Three very different things often hide inside it, and they don't call for the same answer. Naming them is already taking back control.
Exhaustion, very common in the first few weeks
- Lack of sleep and mental load: that weighs on you, quite apart from what you truly feel for your dog.
- What helps: sleeping, delegating, getting a breather. A lot of regret fades once you've caught up on sleep.
Grieving your old life
- Freedom, spontaneity, a home left untouched: losing all that overnight is a real grief, normal and temporary.
- It isn't “I don't like this dog”, it's “I'm mourning my old life”. The two often coexist, and the second doesn't cancel out the bond taking shape.
A genuine mismatch
- Sometimes the doubt points to a genuine mismatch: time, energy, housing, budget, other animals at home.
- What helps: looking honestly, with a professional if needed, at what can be adjusted and what can't.
On the dog's side, restlessness, destruction and barking often drop away once exercise, chewing, scent work, rest and mental stimulation are properly balanced. The mind tires a dog more than the body does: real mental effort (sniffing, foraging, searching) settles him far more than an hour of running. That lever, more than the dog's character, is often what makes the difference between an exhausting dog and one you can live with day to day.
Often the cause: an unmet need
The behaviour weighing on you (destruction, barking, accidents indoors, “he doesn't bond with me”) is most often a symptom, not a permanent trait. Many of these behaviours are stages, not flaws set in stone: before you judge your dog, look at which needs aren't being met.
Worth trying before any final decision.
Give it time
The first days are often the hardest, and things ease afterwards. The “3-3-3” rule is a shelter rule of thumb, handy for setting realistic expectations, not a promise on a timer: some dogs with a heavy past need longer.
Meet his needs
This is often the hidden trigger: physical and mental outlets, chewing, scent work, sleep, a stable routine. An under-stimulated dog, or one who never rests, ends up boiling over. The guide “Exercising and occupying your dog” gives you concrete ways to go about it.
Tackle the problem that weighs most
Pinpoint the behaviour that weighs on you most (the nights, being left alone, house training, pulling on the lead) and work on it point by point, with a positive-methods trainer if you need one.
Look after yourself too
Talk about what you're going through with people close to you, a trainer, your vet, or a group of new owners: it breaks the isolation that amplifies discouragement.
If parting really is the only way, how to do it well
Sometimes, despite everything, you can't keep your dog. That isn't a moral failure: recognising that you can no longer take it on, and organising a proper handover, is the opposite of abandonment. The wrong isn't being unable to carry on: it's leaving the dog by the side of the road. Nobody is judging you here; what matters is protecting your dog, and that gets organised, it isn't improvised.
A shelter or a charity
- The SPA has shelters across France, and there are plenty of local charities and shelters. Dogs are always taken in by appointment, never dropped off unannounced.
Your vet
- He knows the local network (shelters, charities, foster homes) and can point you in the right direction.
Where your dog came from
- If you got your dog from a breeder or through a charity, go back to them first.
- If you found him, or took him from a private individual, go through a shelter or a serious charity rather than a “free to a good home” advert.
What you prepare for a responsible handover, to gather before the appointment.
0 / 3For the dog, a prepared handover weighs far less than an abandonment: he arrives with his name, his history, his habits and his health record, which helps him find his bearings again in his new home. Being abandoned puts him in danger straight away, and wipes out everything that could have made his new life easier.
If the distress goes beyond the question of the dog (deep, lasting sadness, no drive left, dark thoughts, the feeling that you'll never get through this), it's you who needs care first. Talk to your GP. And if you're having suicidal thoughts, call 3114, the French national suicide prevention line: it's free, open 24 hours a day, everywhere in France, and there are trained health professionals on the other end. Your health matters as much as your dog's.
- Ståhl et al. — Development and validation of the puppy blues scale (npj Mental Health Research) (2024)
- Spitznagel et al. — Caregiver burden in dog owners (Kent State University) (2017)
- Barrios et al. — Caregiver Burnout Syndrome in Owners of Dogs with Behavior Disorders (Animals) (2022)
- Mills et al. — Pain and Problem Behavior in Cats and Dogs (Animals) (2020)
- Position Statement on Humane Dog Training, AVSAB (2021)
- Abandonment made a criminal offence and the penalties attached, Code pénal art. 521-1 (loi n° 2021-1539) (2021)
Going further
Frequently asked questions
I can't keep my dog any more, what do I do?
First, decide nothing in the heat of the moment: when you're worn out, judgement is easily distorted. Check whether temporary care (boarding kennels, a dog sitter, a charity's foster home) would be enough to get you through a rough patch. If parting really is the only way, organise a handover to a shelter or a serious home, with his paperwork and his history. Never abandonment: that's a criminal offence.
How do I part with my dog?
Never by abandoning him. You contact a shelter or a charity, by appointment, or you hand your dog over to a home you trust (the future adopter then signs a commitment certificate at least 7 days before collecting him). In every case: up-to-date I-CAD identification, a transfer certificate, and his whole history along with his health record. That's what protects the dog.
Is abandoning your dog punishable?
Yes. Since the law of 30 November 2021, abandonment is a criminal offence carrying up to 3 years in prison and a €45,000 fine (art. 521-1 of the French Criminal Code), and more if the animal is put in danger or dies. An organised handover, by contrast, is legal, and far gentler on the dog.
How do I give my dog to the SPA?
You call the nearest shelter for an appointment, never just turn up and leave him. Your dog must be identified (I-CAD). You bring his health record, your ID, a recent proof of address, and you fill in a detailed form about him. A contribution towards costs is often asked for: it funds his care, it isn't a fine.
How do I part with my dog without feeling guilty?
Recognising that you can no longer take it on, and organising a proper handover, is the opposite of abandonment. The wrong isn't being unable to carry on: it's leaving the dog by the side of the road. Before you decide, check that temporary care, a bit of help or a trainer wouldn't be enough.
I'm exhausted by my dog, is that normal?
Yes, it's a known, measured phenomenon in owners of sick animals, dogs and cats alike, and in owners of dogs with behaviour difficulties: it has a name, caregiver burden. Among puppy owners, a 2024 Finnish study of more than 1,800 people even finds that nearly half go through genuinely hard moments in the first few weeks. Rest, delegate, ask for help, and decide nothing at 3am: it's the tiredness distorting your judgement, not your attachment to your dog.
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